The other day I posted a status on Facebook referring to my children by numbers associated with their birth order and my SIL made the above mentioned remark. I've been thinking a lot about it since then and wondering how life and parenting has changed with each additional child. Since Charlie is currently 3 months, that seemed like a perfect age to use for a comparison among my kids. There are some significant differences.
#1
Work:
At 3 months, I was a stay-at-home mom. I had declared that there was no other option and that I would be staying home no matter the financial implications. I gladly and anxiously left my well-paying job as an inventory manager for a wholesale diamond broker even though I earned somewhere around 65% of our total household income.
Sleep:
Having read sleep training books throughout pregnancy, my baby had been sleeping through the night for a full month already which, you know, I got all the credit for because well, I gave our life structure so it was clearly a direct result of my awesome parenting. Baby was in a crib from day one at home.
I slept very lightly. If the baby so much as snored I was up and at her side watching her breathe until I knew all was well.
Fashion:
Having recently left a work world that was fashionable and a little bit trendy and being in my early twenties, I had a closet full of stylish clothes in a very small size. I didn't wear any of them though as they didn't fit again yet so I lived each day in my husbands old jeans and tee shirts. Not stylish, but there was NO WAY I was ever going to buy clothes in the size I would have needed at that time. Denial. I was in it big time.
The baby however had a million cute outfits. I had scoured the clearance sales at Nordstrom for the previous six months and grandparents went a little berserk. At three months baby girl had about three pair of shoes that fit her.
Housekeeping:
We had a dog and I successfully vacuumed every day (sometimes twice so there would be no dog hair on top of the carpet), walked the dog, kept the house spotless, cooked dinner, and had time to spare. My bathrooms were never dirty, my bed always made, and fresh cookies were common. That was the life! Our furniture matched, we had art on the walls, and our home was pretty. Yes, it was pretty.
Brain Function:
Since I had so much free time during her 2-3 two hour naps each day, I read a lot. Like, a lot. At three months old I was taking a weekly trip to the library and reading 900 page books in 2-3 days. Much of this reading I did out loud because I wanted my baby to be exposed to language and college level vocabulary.
Pictures:
We had been given a digital camera (the kind that used floppy disks!) and I loved it, but the file sizes were large (for the time) and so I took a conservative number of photos. Baby had professional pictures taken.
#2
I call this one my "freebie" since I didn't have to be pregnant to get her into my life. As I wasn't around when she was three months I really can't count her in my comparison.
#3
Work:
I was unemployed for three years and so I was going to be a stay-at-home mom with baby boy when he was three months regardless of choice, though it would have been my choice anyway.
Sleep:
This one slept through the night two weeks earlier than the previous one, which I was torn between taking all the credit for and just feeling lucky. By this time I'd made enough friends who also had kids that I was starting to see the foolishness in taking credit for anything the kid did. I wasn't completely convinced however, and still thought it was a sign that I was awesome. Baby started sleeping in te crib at about one month.
I slept well. If baby slept at night, so did I.
Fashion:
Looking back at how I handled baby #1, I was DETERMINED to not "let myself go," and made sure to do my hair and wear accessories. When in doubt I'd throw on a cute scarf or fun earrings. I could do laundry daily and always had something clean to wear, even if babyhood happened and I had to change often. He also had multiple pair of shoes, because, well, baby shoes are adorable.
Baby was spoiled mercilessly and given tons of cute things from grandma. First boy grandchild in almost a decade (and only the second boy at that). Plus, I was really excited and used my Gap card rewards buying baby clothes.
Housekeeping:
Meh. We were living in a small apartment with no storage so things had to be just so to not look chaotic. It was cluttered but for the most part things were picked up and manageable. We gave away and sold many, many things before the baby came to make room for him so the contrast made it feel better. Things weren't as clean as I like and I blamed it on the tiny space and having it full of baby items. The hubs typically cooked dinner and it was delicious so I didn't mind. I pretty much spent all my time loving on the baby. Since there was a large age difference, #1 was at school and I felt much like a first time mom again with plenty of time to spend one on one with the baby. The house was still presentable for the most part.
Brain Function:
I read only a couple books, mostly recommendations on loan from friends. There was more laundry and more housework than with baby #1 so I didn't really read often or consistently. I baked a lot and often sent treats to hubby's lab for him to share. Things were going ok.
Pictures:
I used the DSLR to take weekly photos chronicling baby's life. Outfits were planned, drool wiped away, tripod utilized. Baby didn't have professional photos but I liked having the control and still got some great shots (along with an education). I also sent grandparents a daily photo via text so my pone storage was filled to the brim with baby pictures.
#4
Work:
I am back at work full time, and have been for a month. I both love and hate it. I like feeling that I am myself again, but don't like being away. Some people don't do babies, but I do babies very well so work is constantly a source of mental anguish. I wish I were a stay-at-home mom, but it's not in the cards right now.
Sleep:
She sleeps through the night also, though with less predictable timing than the others. Baby sleeps in a pack-n-play and likely will until around 9 months old. I didn't pick out any bedding and she is using hand-me-down sheets. Right now she's actually sleeping in the bouncer chair because I don't want to wake up #3 taking her into the room that they share. The room that is decorated with sports and airplanes, and name art for #3, with her pack-n-play literally underneath the clothes rod - and yes, there are clothes hanging on it.
I seldom sleep through the night unless I crash early on the couch from exhaustion and am dead to the world. I wake when I hear #3 turning over in the crib, when #4 makes any sounds at all, or when #1 needs the bathroom. I alternate between crashing hard and sleeping like the dead or having complete insomnia. My weeknight average is 5 hours of sleep.
Fashion:
Seriously, I am still wearing maternity clothes. Most days I am lucky if I shower at all. Today I had the good fortune to be able to shave both (yes, BOTH!) legs before I got out and even that was only done because I chose to ignore that the 2 year old was spraying cleaner all over the floor and the baby was crying. It's the little things. That four minutes won't hurt them. and I feel almost like a normal person. I go to work with my wet hair in a ponytail more often than not. My clothes are stained and stretched out and as much as I want to get new ones, I am not willing to buy ones with the number on them that I need right now (that clearly hasn't changed).
Baby still has loads of clothes (mostly from grandma) but is lacking some of the Gap card rewards splurges since I keep dreaming of using them to get myself some non-maternity pants. It hasn't happened yet because that requires that I leave the house to find out what size I wear. leaving the house is not going to be happening. Baby only has one pair of shoes, and that's just because they belonged to baby #1 and I kept them (and used them on baby #3 also).
Housekeeping:
Hahahahahahahaha! Don't look in my bathroom. I'm serious. Don't. Also, if you are going to come over please give me at least an hour notice so I can cram all our junk onto my bed to hide it (until it's bedtime and all that stuff gets dumped on the floor in a drowsy stupor). I don't remember when I vacuumed last, and now that I'm in the postpartum shedding phase there is still hair on the floor though we don't have a dog. It's dismal, and I'm getting depressed thinking about it. I have to believe this is a temporary or it may just destroy the core of who I am as a person.
Brain Function:
I have none. I can't count the number of times I lose my phone in a day, or how often I forget entire conversations the hubs and I have had. The other babies went on adventures with me to get out of the house and move around, but now it just isn't worth the work. I can't handle outings so we stay home in our tiny apartment and just dream of easier days.
Pictures:
I dropped the DSLR and damaged our most versatile lens during my pregnancy. Since I work, I miss the only times of the day where we have enough light to get decent pictures in our apartment so I take very few. Most are mediocre phone snapshots in poor light that are either blurry or out of focus. That couple seconds just seems impossible when the toddler is climbing on your back at the same time. Grandparents get weekly photos, maybe, on a good week.
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Long story short, yes, the fourth changes things. It has made me more tired, less coordinated, more messy, less put-together, and more unsure of my mental stability. At the same time, it has filled me with so much love and appreciation for my life and my family that I can roll with the punches on the other stuff a little more easily. As much as one side of me is desperate to regularly sleep through the night again, have a more attractive home, and feel good in my own skin once again, I am equally sad when I think of these crazy baby months being over. For every difficult moment there is an equally great one with children showing love and kindness toward each other, or getting to snuggle with a sweetly sleeping child. Four is more crazy than I expected but it's also more wonderful. I never saw myself with four kids, and now I can't see myself without them. Insanity is a small price to pay for this level of awesomeness.